Drift
by NetherVoidWanderer
Summary: A short thing about Sakura dealing with an inferiority complex, depression, her schizophrenic issue with Inner Sakura who has now become cynical and finding someone who does care. Second chapter added. Saddness & Suicide.
1. Default Chapter

It was relaxing really.

She knew she had somewhere to be, she knew she had something to do, and she knew some people would be very irritated with her for being late.

Exactly how late she was she didn't know but that was okay because it was relaxing really.

The current was soft and slow it nudged her along gently.

Sakura found that she really didn't care that she was even later then Kakashi-sensei and that she didn't care if her dress was ruined or her hair would be frizzy, and for perhaps the first time in a long time… she didn't care what Sasuke would think.

It was weird… this not caring… this feeling of 'it'll all be alright' and such. The gentle pushing and guiding of the river, the way the sky, clouds and tress would kind of blend and shift and move together. The silence, the solitude, the serenity. Sadly a world so carefree, so calming so… so… perfect.

"Sakura… what are you doing?"

Lazily she let her head turn and looked into Ino's surprised face.

"Trying to be happy." Her voice was low and kind of raspy-ish as if she'd been crying. Slowly Sakura stood she didn't look at the blonde as she waded through the knee deep water and accepted Ino's hand as she pulled her sopping body out of the water. The pink haired nin sat down with a wet 'thump'.

"Sakura… what's wrong?" Ino asked crouching down before her used to be friend. Sakura looked up at the blonde rather placidly.

"I'm tired Ino. Tired of the never ending missions, tired of all the fighting, tired of Naruto, tired of Kakashi… Ino I'm tired of chasing Sasuke. I'm tired of this pointless… this meaningless existence." She sighed and rubbed the water off of her face. The blonde sat down and looked at Sakura somberly.

"How… how long have you felt like this?"

She ignored Ino's question.

"We had a mission today…" Her voice was low and her eyes were unfocused. "…about…" She looked at Ino's watch briefly. "…three hours ago. Kakashi never shows up that late," Sakura heaved herself unsteadily to her feet and wavered slightly. Ino was on her feet in a heartbeat and steadied Sakura out; but her hands were pushed away as the water logged nin wringed her clothes and hair out.

"Sakura…" Ino began letting her hands fall to her sides, but she was ignored and interrupted.

"Thanks and listen Ino… today was nothing… don't worry about it, I'm fine. I feel much better now," Before the blonde could stop her she moved surprising swiftness and agility through the forest. "Thanks again Ino!"

The pink haired girl's gratitude echoed louder then her words as Ino stood there with her brow furrowed.

_I don't know why you said those things to Ino-pig. What a waste of your time and energy. Stupid girl. As if she could understand. Besides it's not like your life is **soooo** horrible remember Wave country? Remember all those people before they saved themselves? You selfish brat… how pathetic._

Inner Sakura had become increasingly cynical and rather cruel over the months. They say some people who are schizophrenic have no idea that something is going on, where as a select few know something isn't quite right but aren't sure what it is. Sakura was one of the rare few who knew what was happening and was perfectly okay with it. In some cases her schizophrenia was nothing to worry about, inner Sakura gave her strength and reason, but in many other ways it was terribly worse.

True she never had personality switches and true she never blacked out but… it most definitely wasn't a healthy thing.

Sakura was not good at very many things, but she was very good at dealing with Inner Sakura and was exceptional at hiding the fact that there was anything mentally wrong with her.

Except for today.

It had leaked out today. Her fears, her feelings, the truth. She'd vented it all on Ino. At the time it felt like a good idea, she felt relieved and lighter; but as realization struck her she began to regret it.

_Your right... how can I expect to compete with, let alone keep up with Sasuke and Naruto when I can't even keep myself in check? Damn it! Damn it._

She gritted her teeth angrily and pushed her chilly legs to carry her through the trees at a much swifter pace. Lately she'd been siding with Inner Sakura more and more. Inner Sakura was strong, why wouldn't she side with her when Outer Sakura was weak. And three hours late.

_Nothing like this will happen again. How stupid of me…_

She made a soft growl noise and leapt from the tree branches to Team 7's usual meeting spot only to find it empty.

_Of course they wouldn't be here you idiot. Probably off on some big mission to Grass or something and here you are standing on the bridge soaking wet simply because you wanted to drift again._

Inner Sakura was pissed off.

_You're pathetic._

_I am aren't I? I really am?_

She looked at the water enviously and before she realized what she was doing Sakura stood on the railing looking down at the water critically. Drowning couldn't be that bad could it?

_You wouldn't. You're to weak and stupid to. You pathetic excuse for a ninja. You'll wuss out at the last second just like you did before. Just like when you were going to slit your wrists._

Absently Sakura rubbed the scarred flesh under her new bracelets feeling the soft rise of the skin.

_You're pathetic. No courage at all. You weakling. You're only a burden to Kakashi and Sasuke and even Naruto. Jump. Prove how brave you are. Show them all, show the world._

"Sakura…?" She turned halfway to see Naruto standing at the end of the bridge looking at her curiously. She dropped her hands and smiled.

"Hey… sorry I'm late."

_He doesn't really care… you're just a burden to them all._

"What happened?" He asked coming closer as she landed softly on the stone of the bridge.

"Nothing I was just…" She paused scratching the back of her head guiltily. "… lost in thought,"

"Sounds like something Kakashi would say." He responded with a soft smile. She laughed and punched him lightly in the shoulder. "Come on… you look like your freezing… I'll walk you home… If you'd like…" Sakura's smile was smaller but it was much more sincere.

_You were wrong… Someone does care._

"I'd like that very much."

As they walked Naruto slipped back into his usual exuberance of happiness and she even allowed him to drape his jacket over her shoulders.

_He really is…too kind._


	2. I'm Alright

(A/N) Like I said this is basically the second chapter/epilogue to 'Drift' and it is indeed a song fiction. This takes place a few years after 'Drift'.

The characters are Masashi Kishimoto's

The song is 'I'm Alright' By Twiztid

In the immortal words of Mills Lane from 'Celebrity Death Match';

Get it on.

---

Naruto ran. It was really all he could do, all he'd ever been able to do.

Run.

Run run run run, just keep running and don't stop, don't look back, more importantly don't look down. Because looking down would mean looking at the paper, looking at the note, looking at Sakura's last… her last thoughts, her last mark in the world, her last words to him.

_If you're readin' this, then I finally did it  
I'm sorry I didn't say good-bye, there was no time  
Understand I was stressed  
Livin' day to day was hard, and I gave it my best  
But there was nothin' left, for me in this world  
To convince me to stay  
Now I'm long gone away  
_

He had gone to see her; see her little one bedroom apartment that she had bought with her own money, that she had repaired and redone to her own personal liking and taste, that she had almost gotten evicted from, that she'd first kissed him in.

Sakura hadn't greeted him at the door as she sometimes did, Sakura hadn't called out to him in a sultry way from her bedroom as she sometimes did, and Sakura hadn't looked up with sleepy eyes and ink smudges from her mountain of paper work as she sometimes did. No… The apartment had been Sakura-less, he knew, he had checked every room and had found the note. Sakura's suicide note.

_Don't you do that, don't you start with tears  
Just remember the time we spent over the years  
Never cry, never think bad of me  
What's done is done, and that's the way it had to be  
_

The second after he had read the note Naruto had exploded out of her apartment hoping, praying that she was still alive. Using Kiba's little trick by pushing chakra up to his nasal cavity he'd been able to catch her distinct scent and he'd been running ever since. Running, running away from her empty apartment, running away from being alone again, running away from what he'd been hoping, he'd been wanting, he'd been _needing_ to be a lasting relationship, running away; but more importantly he was running towards something. Some hope, some belief, some thought that he'd be able to save her, like he'd done so many times before. He just wanted to get there in time and fix what ever it was that made her so sad.

_I need you to be strong from me  
Say a prayer everyday in my memory  
I'm sure it's helpin' me  
To earn my feathers, to get some wings  
And a halo and a harp and Angelic things  
And even though I'm gone, and outta sight  
Never worry about me, I'm alright  
_

As the scent of her body got stronger it was accompanied by something else. A stronger smell, an acrid smell, a deep heady smell… Blood. Her blood.

_  
(I'm Alright)  
And if you should die, don't blame yourself and keep it locked inside  
(I'm Alright)  
And every time you cry, don't break down, just keep me inside of ya mind  
_

His heart started racing and his throat tightened. Naruto propelled himself at a break neck speed over the rooftops. His finger nails dug bloody crescents into his palm and his own blood soaked into her note.

_(I'm Alright)  
And if you should die, don't blame yourself and keep it locked inside  
_

"Damn it…" He snarled turning his nose into the cool night wind and closing his eyes. He'd lost her scent… chakra swelled into his nose, almost angrily, as he desperately sought her. "…there…" In a blur of orange he was gone against the night sky.

_(I'm Alright)  
And every time you cry, don't break down, just keep me inside of ya mind  
_

The path he was traveling grew familiar but that offered no comfort whatsoever, instead it fueled his steps and made the pit of dread in his stomach deepen. Very soon the bridge came into view along with something that made his heart stop dead in his chest.

_(I'm Alright)  
_

He had known that something was wrong with Sakura. Maybe it wasn't wrong all the time and maybe he only knew it in his subconscious, like an after thought. Maybe it was his fault for not realizing it sooner or maybe it was her fault for never telling him. Hell maybe she didn't realize that something was wrong.

But no.

She had to of known…

_  
You only saw the outside, never knew what I was feelin'  
Now everyday you lay in bed, starin' at the ceilin'  
I'm alive, _

_but you don't see me no more  
You can fill your heart with memories and things from before  
_

Then again… maybe she didn't know. Maybe she was just as scared as he was right at that moment. Maybe she couldn't see any other way out. Maybe she was just out of options and maybe the rope had offered her some form of comfort that he could never have given her. As Naruto dropped from the roof top he found his voice. And it was horrified.

_I'm not an angel but everybody got a purpose in life and when the sun rise  
You will live to see another day  
Just don't follow me, and live life your own way  
_

"SAKURA!" He screamed running towards her, but as he neared both his voice and his pace died down. "…Sakura…" He whispered unable to take his eyes off of her. Tears stung at his eyes and his throat caved in. "Why would you do this…?" Naruto asked the shell of the girl he once loved. Tears soaked everything below his nose and he angrily threw a kunai that sliced cleanly through the rope.

_Examples, are being set and if you forget  
Get the picture with the cord around my neck  
Can you handle that?  
See me underground and I'm stuck, but I'm cool  
It's where I wanna be  
Keep the drama in hand, but outta sight  
And know that,_

_I'mma be alright  
_

He caught her body before she touched the ground and he surveyed the damage. Sakura's neck had rope burn marks, as did her wrists which she'd tied together behind her back. But what he really found odd was a massive slash that started on the back left section of her head, across her forehead, to her right ear. Naruto could see her skull, but that wasn't what he found so unbearably eerie about it.

Her eyes… those beautiful sea green eyes… they were half open in an expression of extreme bliss and serenity. But her mouth didn't match her eyes. She was smiling, it was a gaping smile that seemed to wide for her face and to cruel to be hers. There was something very wrong with that smile…

_  
(I'm Alright)  
And if you should die, don't blame yourself and keep it locked inside_

_(I'm Alright)  
And every time you cry, don't break down, just keep me inside of ya mind  
_

It had been a week. One long, hellish, and unbearably cold week. He hadn't gone to her funeral service. He had wanted to but he just couldn't bring himself to listen to some priest spew out meaningless words about Sakura. Naruto didn't trust himself to remain quiet while some man who didn't even know her prattled on about her life. No it was better that he hadn't gone, that he had stayed home and quietly prayed for her.

_(I'm Alright)  
And if you should die, don't blame yourself and keep it locked inside  
_

Begrudgingly Naruto pulled himself out of his bed. It was Thursday, the day she had… yeah. He always went to the bridge on Thursday. He'd talk to her, he'd run his fingers over the dried spots of blood and he'd look up at the spot where the rope had rubbed off the paint and he'd just try. Try to understand why she did what she had done, why she couldn't of tried harder to fight what it was, why she couldn't of held on, and why… _why_… he wasn't able to get there in time.

He walked down the path he walked every week. He found comfort with it, maybe he hoped that one day Sakura would be standing there and she'd smile and wave at him and the nightmare would just end. It was insane, he knew it was insane. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. He knew that she would never be there, but that didn't stop him from going to the bridge every single Thursday.

_(I'm Alright)  
And every time you cry, don't break down, just keep me inside of ya mind  
_

"Sakura… I can't even begin to imagine what was going on in your life." He whispered leaning on his elbows against the railing and staring up at the rub marks on the arch of the bridge. "I just wish there was more I could've done for you… I just wish you would've trusted me enough to tell me what was wrong… I just wish… that you would've held on longer…" He took in a breath to steady himself and continued whispering to her. "I'm being selfish though… I know that you did everything you could to… hold on…" Naruto paused again to wipe away some tears before they could spill over his eyelids. "I miss you Sakura… and… I just hope that wherever you are… that everything's okay and that you're alright."

_(I'm Alright)  
_


End file.
